Saturday, August 28, 2010
I don't know if it is good or bad that I do this, but every now and then I tend to ponder and reminisce in what "should've-would've-could've" been. I think about moments in my life in which I had a choice to make and that God showed me that was not the right way He wanted me to go and that He had a better plan for me.
Among some of the things that "should've-would've-could've" been, there are these examples:
1. I had the choice of going to Bible College in California.
This was one of the biggest changes in my life, I intended to leave to CCBible College in 2006. I would've missed out on God leading me to my church and a massive growth spurt I've had since day one there.
2. Instead of moving to New Mexico, I wanted to go to Florida with some friends.
Before coming to Christ, I had this plan of moving to Florida with some friends and live a dream life there. I am so glad this didn't happen because moving to New Mexico was a MAJOR factor to me coming to the Lord and making great friends that have been a support so many times in my life.
3. After working at FLT, I thought of working there full time or intering there.
This one wouldn't have been that bad, but after working at that camp in 2006 I was very on fire for God, more than I had ever been in my life. The only problem with that was that I turned it into my "escape place from reality". That camp had become a bubble, a place I could get away from the world and my life.
4. I thought I found the girl of my dreams, who then turned out not to be.
Last year I met this girl whom I thought was the one for me, we were both very serious about how we felt for each other but one day she suddenly and unexpectedly broke up with me. It was hard for me to come to good terms to, but looking back at the relationship itself, I see fakeness in her and a person I do not like anymore at all, I tried being friends but she made everything so akwardly impossible.
These are just some examples of things that didn't turn out the way I wanted them to. Dealing with God's plan has been something very hard for me over the years. Sometimes I have wanted to do things and I have convinced myself that they must be what God wanted me to do...but it was me who wanted them to happen. I have learned that I need to step aside and let God take care of things for me, it doesn't mean that having dreams and illusions are a bad thing, but I need to let go of what I want to do and let Him do the work.
I still wrestle to this day with figuring out what God's will is for my life, but I take everything one step at a time, and I continue doing what I do every day and live one day at a time. Makes sense? It does to me, for this is what I have come to understand:
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
(Jeremiah 29:11)
I know I quote this verse a lot in this blog, but it is because of the volumes of wisdom it speaks to me. Every time a plan fails, I have felt down, disappointed at myself for thinking that I knew better than He who is Sovereign over everything, but knowing that God has a plan for me gives me peace and confort and pushes to move on to the next chapter in my life.
Currently, I have entered an interesting stage, I am rediscovering things that I am passionate about and just trying to do whatever He has for me at the moment. A clear example is what I do at my church, I just do what is needed, if it is doing the announcements, working in the children's ministry, working on the church's website (which you can check out here, I have been working hard alongside with my Pastor in it) or just bringing coffee to my Pastor in the mornings and fellowshipping with other believers. I know God brought me to this church for me to grow and bloom spiritually, and I will do it until the day God calls me somewhere else (which is always a possibility, not one I would like but God has a plan).
Instead of holding into the things that could've happened, I need to hold out on to the "now" and the things to come, but my mind tends to ponder in that direction, mainly because it reminds me of the great lessons that came after those things never happened.
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