Summer for most people is a time of relaxing, catching up with life and preparing to go back to school in the fall. Unfortunately for me, that has never really been the case, I have always had to either work, or take summer classes and such. I sometimes envy friends and people I know that get to go back home for the summer, rest and spend time with their families, I often wish I had that option, but I am also glad that is not the case because it has forced me to grow up. It has showed me that "home" is just where I grew up, where my parents live and that I am in the real world, not just that, but I am glad that I get to live life on my own and not rely on having to move or put my stuff in storage for the summer.

This summer has been an interesting roller coaster for me, I have felt God moving me in a direction that has been unresolved, I felt like He has been showing me several things, but has also told me to wait. To best describe what I have learned, here is a good verse:

"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." (Psalm 46:10)

Being still is a hard thing for me to do, I always want to move forward, I want things to take place when they don't even seem close. I am good in procrastinating and letting things slip, but I want things to happen without me doing the work. It is an interesting part of my character. I am impatient, yet that is what God has been working over time in my life.

A couple weeks ago, I had meeting with the Assistant Pastor and one of the Elders at church, it was to determine what would happen with the Young Adults study that was put on hold for the summer. They gave me some good pointers on how I should go about allowing God to work in my life, there was a lot of constructive criticism and we came to the ultimate conclusion to continue the break for some time for two reasons: they think I am the right person to do it but still need to continue growing (AKA, I am not ready) and second, there really isn't much of a young adult group at church, the ones that do attend don't show much interested in attending, not because of me, but because they feel there are other more important things in life than God (which saddens me a lot).

So I am fine with that decission, the more I have been praying this summer about it, the more I have heard God telling me to "Be still" and wait for His direction. Hard things for me to do!

Another big event that summed up and confirmed things was a meeting I had with my Pastor last week. I was in one of those discomfort moods with things and I told him about it, I showed some colors of me that I wanted to hide, I thought I had handled the situation of the previous meeting well, but there were some things that were not OK with me. It was a good talk, I did feel upset in the moment, but I took the things that were said home with me and prayed, coming to the conclusion that I am in the right place and that I must continue serving, assisting and all the things I do and that God will show me the time when I must step up again and continue with the class.

I held on to a thought most of the summer and made it my goal, thinking it was time, and forgot about God's timing being different from my own timing.

God has placed me where He wants me to be, He has given me responsibilites and has allowed me to walk next to great men of God to shadow and learn from, but my problem is I always seem to want more, I can never seem to be content with the place I am and always want to move onto the next episode of my life before the perfect time comes. I am now aware of that, I had been before but it hit me very hard last week, to the point that once again I felt like quiting and forgetting about everything, but God kept reminding me to "be still and know He is God", therefore He wants me to continue pressing on and serving Him in whatever capability He wants me to.

I did have a complaining session with God, where I, in tears, told Him that I am tired of being the way I am and that I am willing to go and do whatever He wants me to do. He gave me peace and comfort that I can't even describe, I now know that I am headed in the right path and even though I can not yet see what lies ahead (think of a foggy road or a dark night), I continue walking through it, knowing that God is guiding every move I make.

I want to thank everyone who has been praying for me this summer, I have felt those prayers. I thought at the end of the line I would go somewhere else, but have found that the line is not over, there is still a long long line ahead of me, and that I can't do it on my own, I have the Creator and Maker of everything to personally guide me through life and who has my back, even if I rebel. I will no longer try to draw my future, thinking it is God's will to do something, but let Him take care of it and faithfully, and in prayer figure out what it is.